OBIT ASSIGNMENT

Obituaries 101

Good Afternoon, Class.

You have 15 minutes to complete this assignment on the elements of an obituary for Donald John Trump — what they should be and what prominence they should be given.

Ready, set, go.

1. The two impeachments and the several court cases against Trump obviously need to be squeezed into the lede. How about the “grab them by the pussy” quote?

— Yes, in the lede.

— In the second paragraph.

— Included but wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

2. How would you treat the various Trump bankruptcies (we’re talking business not moral bankruptcies here)?

— In the lede and expanded later.

— In the second or third paragraph.

— Included but not all that prominently.

3. How would you deal with the women in his life, both those he acknowledges and those he doesn’t?

— A mention of his multiple weddings in the lede.

— In the second or third paragraph along with any well-sourced comments about his sexual prowess or lack thereof.

— Included but wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.

4. Has there been any dependable gossip that he might roller skate in both directions, and if so how would you deal with the men, if any, in his life?

— Do a ton of research before deciding how to handle or not handle this.

— Spend my time on more important matters.

— Interview his niece Mary who seems not to care much for Uncle Donald to see if she knows anything.

5. How much attention would you give to all the people who worked for Trump who have been sent to prison?

— Squeeze a reference to this in the lede and expand it later.

— Include it in the third or fourth paragraph.

— Not make a big deal of this but write a sidebar that would encompass this angle.

6. What sort of emphasis would you place on his rhetoric, such as there are “good people on both sides,” “bloodbath,” and describing the January 6th rioters as “hostages”?

— A strong mention in the lede and expanded later.

— Include in second or third paragraph.

— Included somewhere in the obit plus do a separate sidebar on this.

7. Covid: How would you handle both what he did and what he said about this?

— -Work in the bleach injection idea in the lede.

— Do a fresh interview with Dr. Anthony Fauci and, depending on what he says, decide where the Covid element goes in the whole package.

— Include in second or third paragraph.

8. What will you make of Trump’s affinity for authoritarian leaders? (And should reports he kept a copy of “Mein Kampf” by his bed be mentioned?)

— His “love” of Kim Jong Un belongs somehow in the lede and expanded later.

— Part of the second or third paragraph would be an ideal slot for the “Mein Kampf” business.

— Mention his coziness with dictators somewhere in the obit and, here again, write a separate sidebar.

9. Should the obit have room for a discussion of Trump’s reading and bathroom habits, i.e. reports that he had a penchant for tearing up documents and tossing them in the toilet?

— Yes.

— No.

10. Obviously, it’s going to be a challenge to keep the first paragraph to under 40 lines, and I suspect (hope, really) that all of you have other matters you think need some emphasis in a Trump obit. List as many as three in the space below.

There are no wrong answers here, meaning whatever you suggest won’t make you, to use one of DJT’s favorite words, a “loser.

Good luck. And have a nice day.

Assistant Professor Eggleston